Home | Peeling off layer by layer – Simone tells
Peeling off layer by layer - Simone tells
She participated in a group ceremony
It was time for me, like an onion, to throw off layer upon layer. From a friend I hear of her experience of her magical journey during a truffle ceremony. Her story touches me, because would it be what for me?
I have been walking around with a restless feeling for some time, “What is stopping me from being allowed to be fully there? Who am I when all the layers I put on myself are allowed to melt, layers of never doing enough, never being enough and always having to do more? It is an always vaguely restless feeling in me that I would like to find/feel more peace in.
Shamanism
“Shamanism” is my way of life, have taken all kinds of training in this for three years, also read about the use of psychedelic substances, but never used them myself. Pretty exciting, then, but when I hear that it’s all very well supervised, I sign up and read everything about the ceremony on the Truffle Ceremony.com website.
Also that the use of truffles is legitimate and produces faster and better results than e.g. years of therapy, that intrigues me. Not in a slow way dissolve a layer but suddenly the whole onion.
Then comes the first layer
Just a quick pee, as I am already feeling a little wobbly, then I put my patch in front of my eyes and lie on my back on the mattress. My thoughts go to my partner for a moment, I can feel him very well, how much he means to me, feel emotion, but especially gratitude! Then I roll onto my side and soon begin to see colors, first vague threads, colored straight bars that all become squares, small squares, larger squares. Colors in all kinds of hues that become more and more distinct. I see houses and streets, again all in squares and different colors, each square has its own color and is outlined, one and all geometry in all kinds of colors, the “Akashic field???”
Exploring the dark places
Then there is Bart-Willem’s phrase in my head, “Investigate the dark places too!” I roll to the side, feeling my hands stiffen and tighten. I feel an icy chill. My hands, fingers become stone cold and grow into long white pointed protrusions that also radiate white. Suddenly I am fighting with all the reptiles around me and rolling in all directions, stiffening and making hissing and more weird noises. There goes another layer.
Meanwhile, I feel I am being cushioned on all sides by the fine attendants.
The next layer is peeled off
From here I sense danger, I must be careful/alert! The first two days of my life I was not safe, after this no one could get me to laugh, only after six months an aunt of mine managed to get me to laugh. After this fight, things calm down inside me and my curiosity wins out again.
I go exploring and cautiously explore the space. The music is leading again, sending me shooting from one emotion into another. My stuffed toy is my buddy, my hold and play with it constantly in my fingers/hands. I throw em away, but also grab em again. He is my never born child, my unborn twin sister, my deceased sister.
Puddles
Then I have to pee, get up and am met by Danielle, put my head on her shoulder while sounding/singing uncertainly and she guides me to the toilet. This feels like an adventure in itself, as I am still in the midst of my journey and experiences, though I vaguely know where I am. When I get back to my seat, the journey just continues.
Bridge over troubled water
On Simon and Garfunkel’s song “Bridge over troubled water,” I hear my neighbor sobbing sadly and sing along with the song’s chorus under the blanket. Afterwards, I lie for some time afterward, enjoying and resting under my blanket, eyes still closed and slowly coming back to myself. When I get upright I am welcomed back.
Here I am hearing that I did a whole workout and was in the oddest positions and was all movement! I look at my stuffed toy, feeling that he must have been completely torn apart, especially during my fight with the reptiles, but he is still completely whole and hear that I have taken very good care of him and he has not been away from me!
Again, what I discover later is that a certain inhibition is gone and I feel freer/lighter.
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