Home | Exciting, my first ceremony
Exciting though, my first ceremony
So as to remove the barriers in my life
I found my first truffle ceremony very exciting, an insight for anyone considering it….in hopes to remove barriers with it.
It had come up before, the truffle ceremonies. When it crossed my path again, I felt the time was right to take it on, no matter how exciting.
With a sense of excitement and fear of the unknown, of what was to come, I entered Bart-Willem that first day. The question that concerned me most was “can I do this? And also I was a little uncertain about how it would feel, what it would do to me.
Practical questions such as “what to do when I have to go to the bathroom” also kept me busy. After entering, we took our seats at the table and already then I felt that it was good, that everything would be okay, no matter how things turned out.
Receipt
The reception and treatment by Bart-Willem was fine and pleasant. After drinking tea and cocoa and some explanation, I was allowed to join them in a hallway to be spiritually cleansed before we entered the room where the rest of the ceremony would take place.
This was pleasant, in the hall there was candlelight and as I stood firmly, grounding my feet on the floor, I set the intention for the day, “I am standing here because I want to take good care of myself, this is my process and I will let what comes come.”
Fine vibe, but exciting
Then we went into the space and wow, what a nice vibe there was. It felt soft and loving, with soft candlelight, an inviting bed with lots of pillows, and it was clear that love and attention had been given to everything in the room.
Also very nice and reassuring was that there was a toilet in the room. I was explained the symbols hanging on the wall. Then I was allowed to start grinding the truffles with a mortar. “What a lot of them,” was my first thought. Bart-Willem reassured me that this was definitely a safe dose.
Making your own truffle tea
I was allowed to scoop the truffles into a thermos, and the first toilet moment presented itself. Again a thought shot through my mind: ‘if only I don’t have to pee every time…’. While the psychedelic truffles in the thermos were drawn into tea in hot water with lemon and ginger, we started a guided meditation.
The restlessness in me took over, I feel I sat on the chair, I don’t know what’s coming, how I will react. I try to focus on breathing and become calmer.
Focus on my breathing
After the meditation, it is time to drink the truffle tea. Little by little I fill my cup, drink it empty and refill. It’s a hefty amount, it feels like. When the tea is finished I go to the toilet again, then lie down on the bed. And discomfort strikes and anxiety takes over again: I know it has to work and find it exciting what awaits me.
Eyes closed, eyes open, heartburn, resistance, excitement. I remind myself of the intention I set: ‘let whatever comes come’. I cling to the thought that this too will pass and I’m sure it will be okay. Focus on my breathing, I remember thinking. As I lie down, “let go and let come” becomes my mantra for that moment.
Do I feel anything yet? Exciting though...
At the same time, the ratio partly takes over and my thoughts control me; “do I feel anything yet? Exciting… Why don’t I feel anything yet? I don’t see any colors or patterns yet, is this right?”. After saying to myself that it’s okay that I don’t see color patterns and that this is where I am now, that it’s okay either way, I become calmer.
It feels that I am getting what I can handle and nothing more, which gives confidence. Then I notice that something changes. The room looks lighter when I have my eyes open. All sensations rush through my body. The music carries me along, I feel my body to the rhythm of the music. The bed beneath me moves along in a pleasant way for my liking.
My right side feels heavy, warm, streaming. The left feels cold, still and quiet. My right hand is instinctively pulled off the bed, opens and trembles incessantly. I am aware that I want to explain, analyze and understand this with my thoughts; “what does this mean. At the same time, I want to let go of that very thinking.
I have to go to the bathroom
When I need to go to the toilet, Bart-Willem helps me up and I notice that I’m doing fine, which makes me feel reassured, this is actually suddenly less exciting. Lying down again, the music feels intense. Sometimes I open my eyes for a moment, seeing the wall beautifully warmly lit, I smile.
Suddenly the music goes off briefly and in that moment I feel that there is a deceased loved one who has a role in this, it makes me smile again and feel pleasant. In another moment, I feel the tears running, without feeling any specific emotion. I do feel a very thin line flow to my belly, where there is a pool where the tears seem to come out. By now I have lost all sense of time.
The thought shoots through me that I can ask how long it will take, but at the same time I feel that time does not matter, that I will naturally walk my process. Fragments of memories from the past come, which I just can’t “catch. I see images of rooms from previous homes, of objects from my childhood. I try to understand what these memories are trying to tell me but I don’t know.
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Toward the end of the ceremony
Gradually I feel the truffles working out and I open my eyes, only to close them for a while, until I notice that I am getting hungry. I feel that enough is enough and sit up straighter against the pillows. From Bart-Willem I get a board with different things on it, fruit, chocolate, nuts. Delicious.
Bart-Willem asks what I want to say about my trip, but I have no words to answer for a moment. I feel amazed. It is very clear to me that this is just the beginning of a further journey of discovery, in which truffles can help me further.
Update
In chatting afterward, it becomes clear that Bart-Willem got things through about my childhood that are true, but that I can’t yet place in what they want to tell me. I trust that will come. When I feel ready, I leave the bed and we go back to the other room.
It feels “very good and crazy” to be back in the outside world. A sandwich and soup tasted delicious and helped me feel completely clear again. The following days I feel after, with restlessness and a full head, but definitely with the confidence and curiosity about my further process in this.
Multiple truffle tours
After this first ceremony, I took several more truffle trips with Bart-Willem, all equally exciting. In that, I was able to let go more and more, surrender to it, and different pieces were touched. Because I knew you knew what was coming, thoughts faded into the background and there was room for feeling.
I got clearer insights through, quarters fell into place and it felt like I was being peeled off and healed piece by piece. Truly, I begrudge everyone an exciting truffle journey. If in doubt, remember above all that you are getting what is needed and what you can handle at that moment.
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